Forwarded to the Humboldt Beacon by Mac Gardner

TO: Mrs. Santa

FROM: Hubby¨

North Pole

Hi, Sweetheart,

Thanks for your last letter. I'm glad that our staff elves haven't let you down. I know they love you and will work hard to get our toys and gifts out on time. I hope that none of you up there will catch the flu that is bothering so many people. Doctors tell us that the flu season is the earliest in at least 10 years. Take care. We have too much work to do. RIght?

Talking about work, did Engineer Elf John show you his planning report for this Christmas? Wow! I've done this for many, many years, but his report was a reminder again about the huge effort we make each year.

When I tell you that I m going to do a zip-zip job this year, you know that I'm kidding. Elf John's report makes everything clear.

Thanks to the many different time zones and the rotation of the earth, I only have about 31 hours to work my Christmas deliveries. This works out to 822.6 visits per second, a tiny 1/l000 of a second for each household. (And people think that rocket travel is fast.!)

Why do we do all of this work and effort? One visit with any of the kids, and you'll know right away. They are usually smiling (some not), and easy to talk to. I love them all.

One thing stands out here in Redwood Country. I've been visited by kids from most towns around, and teachers are always highly popular.


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For instance, Shea (parents April and Eric) of McKinleyville High School, thinks that Mrs. Warren is “super and easy to learn from.” Alex (parents John and Laura) attends Jacoby Creek School in Arcata and says that Mrs. Skiles is her favorite teacher because she is “cool.” Autumn, a cute 5-year-old, (parents Brian and Summer) attends Eureka's Garfield School, loves Miss Nelson because “she pays attention to all of us kids.”

That's a sample of my world these days. Other than your daily work, what's happenin' up at the North Pole? Keep me posted.

Let me wind up with some “top quality” jokes sent my way in recent “Letters to Santa” I've received . I hope you haven't heard them yet.

Q. What is red and white and red and white and red and white? ,

A. Santa falling down the chimney.

Q. Why does Santa Claus plant a garden?

A. So he can hoe, hoe, hoe.

Q. Why don't you buy Christmas seals?

A: I really don't know how I could feed them.

Anyway -- XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX --

Your Ever-Lovin',

SANTA